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HELPING STUDENTS WHO HAVE BEEN BULLIED
Identifying targeted students and survivors
Students are more likely to inform of incidents of bullying if there is an anti-bullying policy. As well as the procedure through peer counsellors, tutors and heads of year there are self-report forms in the problem box. If they do not inform anyone it is possible to identify students who may be being bullied.
Signs to look out for are: absences; deterioration of work; deterioration of behaviour; isolation or withdrawn behaviour; items of clothing damaged or lost; students appearing unusually hungry; bruises and other injuries; money going missing from home; students wishing to remain with adults; and students missing certain lessons.
Treating victims and all incidents seriously
Tackling minor incidents, like name calling and spoiling another students work, will reduce the occurrence of more serious bullying.
In all cases it is important initially to show students who have been bullied that you believe their perception of incidents reported and to assure them that they have done the right thing in coming to you. Actively listen by stopping what you is doing, looking at them, nodding and making supportive sounds.
Find out details of what happened by asking neutral questions such as:
"what happened?"
"who was involved?"
"where and when did it happen?"
"what did you do and say?"
"what did the other/s do and say?"
"has this happened before and how often?"
"were there any witnesses?"
"have you told anyone else about what happened?"
"how do you feel about this and how has it affected you?"
Do not make comments or ask questions that give the impression that you think they were responsible or to blame for the bullying behaviour. Do not make them feel that the complaint is trivial or wasting your time. Do not make them feel guilty about being bullied.
Praise them for their courage in seeking help. Display empathy, reassurance and tact and clearly demonstrate to the child, at a time when self-esteem is low that he/she is a valued member of the community.
WORKING WITH STUDENTS WHO HAVE BEEN BULLIED
Specific action
*Listen carefully and record all incidents and discussions of them.
*Get the bullied student and the bully/bullies to record the events in writing.
*Send copies of all reports to parents/carers of the student involved and place them in the respective students’ files for a specified time.
*Put the school's procedures into action immediately
*Move closer to those involved
*Physically separate those involved.
*Remove the victim and/or bully from the bullying situation.
*Comfort the victim and reassure her/him that staff can and will help.
*Talk to the student/s doing the bullying about the victim's perception of it and how it differs from their own.
*Talk to the parents of the bully/bullies if the bullying behaviour continues.
*Make clear to the bully/bullies and their parents that the bullying behaviour is unacceptable and tell them the consequences of any repetition.
*Monitor the situation
*Counsel the victim and the bully
*Avoid bullying the bully and express disapproval in a calm rational way.
*Teach the victim assertiveness skills and provide activities to build up self esteem
*Encourage the victim to ignore teasing at the time and seek help if necessary
*Inform students involved as spectators on how they can help create a more
pleasant environment by reporting incidents etc.
*Break the cycle of bullying by giving victims or bullies constructive and
challenging tasks to do during breaks and lunch times.
*Inform all those involved in the incidents of the action taken.
General action
*Teach students negotiation skills, conflict resolution, peer-support and team work
(see http://www.peersupportworks.com).
*Encourage all students to bring bullying behaviour out into the open.
*Involve students in monitoring, reporting and supporting anti-bullying work.
*Break up bully gangs.
*Patrol problem areas.
*Ensure the whole school community is aware of the anti-bullying policy.
HELPING STUDENTS WHO BULLY
Identifying students with bullying behaviour.
It is important to be aware of students with aggressive behaviour patterns for their own sake as well as for the sake of others and the school at large. Bullying is by its very nature a secretive activity and is not usually displayed in front of teachers. Students are reluctant to reveal the names of bullies though more likely to if there is an anti-bullying policy. It is possible to identify students who may be bullies by looking for signs such as: absences; deterioration of work; deterioration of behaviour; isolation or withdrawn behaviour; low self esteem, attention seeking, loudness and over confidence.
Awareness raising and the "no-blame" approach. Research has shown that people who bully have low self esteem even though it may manifest as arrogance. It follows that education and awareness raising are more likely to be effective than punitive treatment. If we use aggression towards bullies it is likely to reinforce their view and the view of others that when they are bigger and more powerful enough they will be able to use bullying tactics themselves.
Even though the referral system follows the school’s hierarchical structure and the adults are older and more experienced than the students it makes sense to communicate with an aggressor assertively, on equal terms as human beings. This will be more successful than talking down to them from an ageist or hierarchical position.
It is more effective when dealing with bullying behaviour to diffuse the situation rather than exacerbating it by being angry, sarcastic or indignant. Most people who bully are happy to talk about what has happened providing they think you are being reasonable and seeing their point of view. This may mean initially accepting the bully's account in order to keep them talking.
A sensible aim is to get the aggressor to feel concern for the recipient. Use statements that appeal to the aggressors’ natural desire to be helpful rather than their distressed behaviour. Some examples are:
*"I would like to talk to you because I've heard that Susan has been having a bad time lately."
*"I need your help. Something has upset John."
*"Do you know anything about all this?"
*"What have you seen or heard?"
After making a couple of statements like that, remain silent and wait for a response. Even if this takes a long time, don't rescue them by talking to ease the situation. Then actively listen to the response without interrupting. Give nods, supportive noises and phrases like "Oh" and "That's interesting" . Do not look disapproving. Try to project a neutral, concerned attitude.
When you notice any sign of concern shown by the bully for the recipient stop the conversation. Reinforce the idea that you both agree there is something wrong about what has happened to Susan or John. Draw out constructive suggestions by asking, "what shall we do about it?" Accept any reasonable suggestions and arrange a future meeting to discuss how things have gone. Aim to bring the bully and recipient together for a constructive talk if possible and appropriate. This may take a while and having the school counsellor or student counsellors there may be helpful.
Counselling . A student who has a history of bullying behaviour could be enabled to change their behaviour by being counselled one to one by the school counsellor. Students trained to be peer counsellors could also offer one to one counselling.
Another approach is to run small support groups or have group relationship counselling sessions for students who are bullying or are in conflict. The school counsellor either runs such groups or sessions herself or devises structured guidelines for other staff to use with specific groups.
WORKING WITH STUDENTS WHO BULLY
Unlearning bullying behaviour. Regardless of the reasons for their bullying behaviour, bullies must be enabled to understand the seriousness of their actions and attitudes.
The behaviour has been learned so the most useful work with bullies will focus on it being unlearned. They need to learn that aggressive behaviour is not allowed. They need to be taught the appropriate social behaviour that may not be in their repertoire of social skills. They need to be enabled to understand the feelings, strengths and behaviour of other people.
Some ways of doing this are; role play; brainstorming strategies; involving other people; bringing in others involved; students writing accounts of their bullying actions; and encouraging apologies.
Assertiveness training. Students can be helped to reduce aggressive responses to situations by learning assertiveness skills in PSE or one to one.
Rewards for appropriate and helpful
social behaviour for all students including
those who have bullied can be as follows:
*Verbal and written praise
*Letters home to parents with good news about their child.
*Certificates
*Merit card systems
*All members of a group keeping a record of good behaviour and all gaining a reward at the end of the week. This takes the focus off the bully and victim and introduces peer pressure so all group members support each other.
The long-term aim is to help the bully by tackling underlying problems which are
causing the behaviour. This needs to be done early in year 7. Although difficult
emotional and psychological problems may lead to involvement of outside agencies and referral to the educational Psychologist these resources are limited. Alongside the aim of addressing underlying problems it is also necessary to have a full range of sanctions available which are known to all staff and students.
Sanctions can include:
*Incidence slips for minor acts of bullying. Teachers would fill these in and pass to tutors and HOY, who record and monitor all incidents. Further action could be taken when three or more slips have been given for one student.
*Students being put on behaviour report
*Deprivation of certain freedoms or privileges
*Detaining students during lunchtimes, break or after school where they are given appropriate and constructive tasks, such as writing letters of apology.
*Informing parents of the situation at a meeting with the student present. Reaffirming the school policy in front of them, outlining further possible sanctions and ensuring parental support. .
*Moving a student into a different tutor or teaching group providing it is seen as sorting out rather than running away.
*Internal or external exclusion
*Permanent Exclusion
Some important principles about sanctions
*Harsh punishments can result in bullies becoming vindictive towards the victim or teacher.
*Staff should feel happy with the sanctions or they will be tempted to let the students off.
*Everyone in school and parents should be informed of the sanctions. The students need to know the consequences of breaking a school rule.
*Sanctions should be applied consistently.
*They should be delivered in a calm manner (criticise the behaviour and not the student)
ACTION FOR PARENTS
Parents who realise or suspect that their child is being bullied at school will probably experience many painful emotions themselves and feel powerless to act. It is important not to project this sense of powerlessness on their child or act out their emotions in front of her /him. If the child thinks their parent will be upset, angry, bewildered, or embarrassed they are less likely to disclose what has happened to them. So that parents can respond helpfully to their child's situation they will probably need to find some support for themselves as well as for their child. What follows are some general guidelines.
Be observant by:
·taking an interest in your child's social life at school;
·and being aware of signs and symptoms of bullying -unwillingness to attend school; a pattern of headaches/stomach aches; equipment gone missing; requests for extra pocket money; damaged clothes or bruising.
Empower your child by:
*asking her/him directly if you suspect s/he is being bullied;
*listening to and believe your child;
*finding out the facts when told about a bullying incident
*keeping a written record of bullying including who, what, when and where;
*not over reacting and being calm and optimistic about supporting your child pointing out there is nothing wrong with her/him and that it happens to others;
*giving your child the chance to vent her/his feelings about being bullied;
*encouraging your child to invite others home to help her/him make friends;
*encouraging her/him to talk to teachers;
*by not encouraging your child to fight back as this goes against her/his nature and makes matters worse. Instead encourage her/him to recruit friends.
*if your child is aggressive encouraging her/him to find other ways of behaving;
*helping your child practise strategies such as: saying or shouting "No!"; or walking or running away with confidence.
*and by not agreeing to keep the bullying a secret;
Work alongside the school and other agencies by:
*informing schools of any recent upsets which may be contributing to unusual behaviour or distress in your child;
*being involved with school policy and working in partnership with the school
*talking to teachers to find out if there is one responsible for anti-bullying;
*informing the school immediately if you think your child is being bullied and arranging an interview with the member of staff responsible;
* devising strategies with staff that will help your child and provide her/him with support at home and school;
*if you are not helped by staff, telling a parent governor about your problem;
*if you receive no help from the governors informing the LEA
*if the problem occurs outside school send a solicitor's letter to the bully's parents, informing them of the legal consequences of the recurrence of the bullying.
An anti- bullying pack with non- copyright material (details on the MORE INFO page) is available from the address below. Please send a self-addressed and stamped envelope with a cheque for £10 payable to Netta Cartwright at:
Netta Cartwright Associates
11, Brunswick Terrace,
Stafford
United Kingdom
ST16 1BB
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